Fighting Against God
The silence squeezes my chest. My heart pounds harder with each calming breath.
This is not working, this fighting.
* * *
I sing the songs. “Where You go, I’ll go.” “If our God is for us, then who could stop us?” “You make all things work together for my good.”
I show up on Sundays. I lead service projects. I serve and fundraise and take care of the kids that God has placed in our family. I pray.
But I still fight God every day.
I pray for guidance that I ignore.
I pray for peace from drama that I stir up.
I expect more than a road map. I demand a freshly paved road.
But He gives me a direction and says Go.
He doesn’t say “here’s a brand new GPS loaded with the voice of Charlton Heston, and cash for gas and road snacks. When you arrive at this point on the map, you’ll arrive at your office and will have meetings for three days and here’s the agenda. And then you will return to your ugly but comfortable writing chair and sit in it and write meeting recaps.”
Nope. Just “Go south.”
It’s time to stop fighting. You are God. I am not.
What are you fighting against (that you know you should do)? Leave a comment…
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About Christine
I’m a writer, a recovering project manager, and a corporate refugee with a passion to share the lessons I've learned. I've worked with bestselling authors to launch nearly a million dollars' worth of books and online courses. I've seen what works (and what doesn't), and I know what it takes for a growing writer to get your work out and grow as you go.
Even though I’ve long since realized that God sees fit to reveal His will only one day at a time, I sure would like to see the “long range forecast!”
Me, too, Jeff. Me too. Makes me wonder why He planted the Project Management Gene in me!
I have definitely been there! It is so hard to follow sometimes when the path is not shown to us. I always refer back to a quote my Pastor shared with me when I was sharing my same frustration with him. It really hit home with me, especially the part about trying to control it!
“God has to work on your soul “in secret,” according to the saints and mystics. If God gave you any idea of what God was doing, which is always radical surgery, you would do one of two things: you would try to stop it, or you would try to engineer it and take control of the process. God has to operate in darkness to get the job done.
It is sort of humiliating, isn’t it? Yet it is also deeply consoling, because even on your seemingly empty and unexciting days, even then, you can trust tha tGod i sworking in you, with you, and for you.” Father Richard Rohr
Will be thinking of you and praying for you!!
Tammy, that is really wise…thank you for sharing. I’m hanging this quote over my desk.
In the grand scheme of things, I say I trust Him a lot, but it’s sure a struggle to apply to the big decisions.
I love this, Christine!
Katie
Thanks…watching Him work in and through you (and your series on waiting) is really helping me with all of this.
Ouch.
I’m not fighting against anything that I know I’m supposed to do, but I do fight God. A lot. Maybe it’s time I gave up the fighting and just let Him take control. He created this world and everything in it, including me, so I guess He knows best, huh?
Yeah…ouch to me too! It’s so much easier to talk about letting Him take over than to actually let it happen.
There are so many areas I am fighting God about. And it’s exhausting. I follow, but when my expectations aren’t being met. I turn into a two-year having a temper tantrum. It is oh so attractive. I know He is God. I know I couldn’t handle it if he showed me the whole road map with all the details…but still. I am trying to trust His silence, follow the last words I know spoken – I may grumble and doubt, but I am still trying to put one foot forward and then the other.
The temper tantrums are so fun, right? I’m sure glad that God is a better parent than I am, and that he can patiently wait for me to scream it all out and know when it’s right to tell me stuff.
So much growing to do! I am glad His patience is not like mine!
Praying for guidance that we ignore. Right on.
I find myself treating God like a magic 8-ball sometimes–if I don’t get the answers I want, I just ask again. Thankfully, He doesn’t work that way. You think we’d all learn that by now, huh?
Thanks Christine.
PERFECT illustration, Scott. I do the same thing.